Pronouns are pretty straightforward to use in a sentence. Imagine if you were reading a short story about a character named Jeff where every sentence has the word “Jeff” in it. Not only would it be incredibly repetitive seeing his name all the time, the story would probably be written like “Meet Jeff and his dog Spot. Look at Jeff and Spot go.” By substituting in personal pronouns like him, her or they, we can mix things up while also ascending beyond a first-grade reading level. However, what happens when we deal with the pronouns referring to ourselves? Both me or I mean the same thing, but it can be confusing determining which to use. With some help from Caroline Taggart and J. A. Wine’s book My Grammar and I (or Should That Be “Me”?), let’s clear up the uncertainties around this mischievous pair of pronouns!
The subject and object rules for pronouns
Unlike in Latin where subjects and objects can be identified by the ending of each word, the subjects and objects of an English sentence are entirely dependent on their position. For example:
Jim worked the coffee machine – “Jim” = subject and “coffee machine” = object
The coffee machine worked Jim – “coffee machine” = subject and “Jim” = object
“English sentences [like the above] have exactly the same words in them and it is the order that establishes the meaning,” explains Taggart and Wines. However, pronouns don’t follow this rule, with each having their own subject and object variants – for example, he/she/it/they are subjects, while him/her/it/them are objects (it is kind of an oddball, but let’s not question it).
Similarly, I and me also adhere to this rule, where I refers to a subject and me to an object. No one says “Me going to work” unless they were excessively hungover or/are a caveman – conversely, “John gave I a cookie” is also strange. Sentences with single subjects and objects are simple enough, but what about ones that are a little more complex?
Is it “Sarah and me wanted a cookie” or is it “Sarah and I want a cookie”?
Alternatively, “Dad gave Sarah and I a cookie” or “Dad gave Sarah and me a cookie”?
Things seem less clear when we have compound subjects or objects, but thankfully, the same rule for I and Me apply regardless how many subjects and objects we are counting. In the example above, the first line has Sarah and ourselves as the subject – so Sarah and I would be the correct version. Vice versa, Sarah and me are correct when we become the objects.
If you want to be absolutely certain whether you are using the correct form, Taggart and Wines suggest simply “taking out the other bit” from the compound subject or object. Using the example above:
It’s “I wanted a cookie” and not “Me wanted a cookie”.
Similarly, it’s “Dad gave me a cookie” and not “Dad gave I a cookie”.
More proper pronoun procedures
You might come across some people who insist on using I with compound subjects to be correct, but Taggart and Wines address this as the Toff’s Error (a style of writing or speaking devised by the snooty to “sound posh”). If you’re familiar with television shows featuring royalty or the upper class, you can probably picture a dapper gentleman saying “The duke has invited the wife and I to the ball.” Using I may sound natural compared to me here because media has ingrained it into our heads, but it’s still wrong. Don’t do it unless you like sounding haughty and being grammatically incorrect!
The Toff’s Error is also rather common when a preposition (like “between” or “about”) is used beforehand. Is it “between you and me” or is it “between you and I”? Just like above, it’s incorrect to use you and I here – even if the preposition takes place at the beginning of a sentence. As a rule of thumb, “always use an object pronoun (me) after a preposition”. To illustrate this point, the authors refer to a quote from the 1944 film The Uninvited to show the correct usage:
“Between you and me and the grand piano, I’m afraid my father was rather a bad hat.”
Let’s assume you’re visiting a friend. After you knock on the door, your friend asks, “who’s there?” Do you say “It’s me” or “It is I”? This is one of the rare occasions where either is acceptable! “Traditionally, ‘it is I’ is correct, because Latin rules state that the subject forms are found after the verb to be,” writes Taggart and Wines. “However, modern thinking is that this sounds rather pretentious and old-fashioned. Most people will not bat an eyelid if you say ‘it was me’.” Go ahead and use “it is I” if you want to make a dramatic entrance, otherwise “it is me” is more suited for general use.
Lastly, there’s also an unspoken rule when integrating yourself into a compound subject or object. How you would list out several names?
“The cinema was empty except for me, John and Aaron” or “The cinema was empty except for John, Aaron and me”.
“I and my wife went out for dinner” or “My wife and I went out for dinner”.
While all of the above are grammatically and structurally correct, listing yourself last shows humility and manners. Just remember, there’s no need to be too humble though (eg. listing yourself after the dog and cat in a Christmas card is kind of weird).
Pronouns can be a little finicky to use, especially when I or me are involved, but it’s easy once you remember the rules around them: I for subjects and me for objects – and if prepositions are involved, the pronoun is always an object. Stay tuned for more handy grammar hacks!