With most marketers having deemed it necessary to attract potential customers in as few words as possible, short copy is all the rage. However, shortness does not necessarily equate to conciseness. To be concise is to perfect an art form – like determining the optimal ratio of spices to use in a dish, every word or pinch of herbs must serve a purpose – ensuring both your sentence structuring and cooking is clean and uncluttered. Eager to become a curator of conciseness? Read on…
What is conciseness?
To be concise is to write in a way that is free from unnecessary elaboration or superfluous detail –allowing you to get your point across as efficiently and effectively as possible (ie. trimming the excess fat from a roast and trussing it for a more even cook). With the help of Stanford's style guide, a few things to look out for include:
· Avoid the use of grandiloquent words when a simpler alternative is available (ie. use effort instead of endeavour or build instead of fabricate).
· Don’t use unnecessary descriptors to refer to nouns (ie. use phone instead of telecommunications device or Internet instead of the World Wide Web)
· Cut out pointless modifiers, redundancies and excessive details (ie. adverbs like highly or overly; words and phrases like basically or due to the fact; details like “the lion was a great big cat with ultra-razor-sharp claws”)
· Moderate nominalisations that can drain energy from a sentence (ie. use occur or evaluate instead of the occurrence of or the evaluation of)
· Change double negatives to the affirmative to reduce readers’ need for interpretation (ie. choose the customer enjoyed medium-rare steaks instead of the customer didn’t enjoy steaks that weren’t medium-rare)
· Eliminate vague pronoun references like this or it to avoid confusing readers (ie. “the cake had a smooth and velvety frosting. It also featured decorative layers.” is confusing because we don’t know whether it refers to the cake’s interior or the frosting)
· Use the active voice whenever possible to allow quicker comprehension (ie. “John baked the bread” instead of “the bread was baked by John”)
The groundwork
Before you type away, you must do a bit of prep work to get a better picture of what you will be working on – think of it as the process of conceptualising a dish and determining how to plate it. Here are several essential questions that you need to be able to answer before proceeding:
1. Who is your client and what is their style?
Imagine your clients as a renowned chef (ie. Massimo Botura or Wolfgang Puck) – each with their own signature dishes and plating styles. While working for them, it is your job to understand and emulate their styles so that anyone who sees your works would say, “Yup, that’s definitely a piece from [your client]!”
In copywriting, the easiest way to understanding a client’s writing style is to go through their website, prior press releases and ads. Pay attention to their choice of vocabulary and sentence structure – for example, do they use simple or technical vocabulary? Do they prefer short and curt sentences or long and flowing ones*? Imagine the thrashing you’d get from the manager if you made one of Puck’s dishes at Botura’s restaurant!
* Just because a sentence is long doesn’t mean it isn’t concise! Short sentences are ideal at stressing a single point, whereas the effective use of transitions with longer sentences can convey multiple ideas more elegantly and with better emphasis – ie. “The dessert is a flourless chocolate cake. It has a molten center. It is also accompanied by a berry compote.” versus “The dessert is a flourless chocolate cake with a molten center – it is accompanied by a berry compote.”
2. What do they want to promote?
Create a checklist of the content that the client wants you to write about – the unique features of the product or service, the running period, the price or promotional offer, what distinguishes it from its predecessors and/or competitors.
3. Who is their audience for this piece?
The target audience demographics can sometimes dictate the vocabulary you use. For example, if you were to market to adolescents and millennials, the term “on fleek” was everywhere (slang for “perfect”) several years ago and it would’ve been trendy to use. However, slang quickly becomes outdated – meaning a keen grasp of trending lingo is necessary to avoid appearing out of touch.
When in doubt, consult with the client first to avoid any embarrassment later on!
Putting it all together
Using an example, let’s see how we can improve a short article for a mom-and-pop bakery promoting the launch of a savoury pie. Aimed at all ages, here’s what the owner cobbled together and wants you to help clean up:
Bistro Bob Proudly Presents the All-new Savoury All-Beef Pie – Excite Your Taste Buds!
As experienced connoisseurs of baking, Bistro Bob has provided the town of Arlen with an extensive line of delectable desserts and sweet treats since 1985. After years of reading your satisfied customer reviews, we have made an observation: our customers want us to try our hand at making a savoury pie! So here it is: Bistro Bob’s all-new Savoury Beef Pie! Featuring only the finest cuts of Angus Beef in a rich and silky gravy, it is lovingly handmade daily for your enjoyment. At $100 each, it is a great value too!
The wait is finally over. We’d be most delighted to have you try one today!
Let’s break down the article to make it easier to work with:
The headline
While there isn’t anything innately wrong with the headline, it’s weighed down by fluff.
Old: Bistro Bob Proudly Presents the All-new Savoury All-Beef Pie – Excite Your Taste Buds!
New: Excite Your Taste Buds with Bistro Bob’s New All-Beef Pie
The hook
Usually the first sentence of the body copy, a strong hook latches onto the reader and compels them to read further. Going with the experience and company history approach is common (albeit a little clichéd), however, the owner really wants to keep this style of introduction. Without changing the meaning, let’s condense it down and simplify some of the vocabulary:
Old: As experienced connoisseurs of baking, Bistro Bob has provided the town of Arlen with an extensive line of delectable desserts and sweet treats since 1985.
New: As expert bakers, Bistro Bob has served Arlen with delightful desserts and treats since 1985.
The body
After the hook, we need to show the readers what’s so special about this new promotion. The original copy had lots of important facts, but unnecessary wordiness, redundancies and poor sentence structuring has made it clunky. Using transitions and a more active voice, we can link most of them together more fluently.
Old: After years of reading your satisfied customer reviews, we have made an observation: our customers want us to try our hand at making a savoury pie! So here it is: Bistro Bob’s all-new Savoury Beef Pie! Featuring only the finest cuts of Angus Beef in a rich and silky gravy, it is lovingly handmade daily for your enjoyment. At $100 each, it is a great value too!
New: From reading our many satisfied customer reviews, we know you want us to try making a savoury pie! Bistro Bob’s all-new Savoury Beef Pie features only the finest cuts of Angus Beef in a rich and silky gravy – each lovingly handmade and at a great price of $100 each!
The call-to-action
Now that the readers know what the promotion is about, what do we want them to do? Bistro Bob’s original call-to-action uses a passive voice and it feels lacking in energy (slapping exclamation marks on something is a lazy way to signify enthusiasm). Let’s change that around.
Old: So what are you waiting for? We’d be most delighted to have you try one today!
New: Why wait? Try one today!
A bit of conciseness goes a long way. For conveying points efficiently and respecting your readers’ time, writing concisely is an incredibly helpful asset in any occupation. Like a seasoned chef, plan how each ingredient complements the other – because an overloaded sentence is like an omelet with caviar, cornflakes and chocolate sprinkles… Would anyone want to eat it?