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How one simple conjunction can enrich or ruin storytelling

Larry Yu June 1, 2020

There is no greater element to storytelling than detail. Strong narratives are exciting to read, and the more complex they are, the more enticing they can become. However, not all complex stories are equal. Have you ever read one that felt disjointed or unnecessarily convoluted for the sake of being complex? Often, this happens because of a poorly chosen conjunction – the greatest offender being the two words: “and then”. Conjunctions are best known for binding together phrases and sentences, but transitioning key plot points and details are also one of their essential uses. If you want to know why some writers choose to steer clear of “and then”, read on…

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This happened… and then that happened
In improv comedy, many beginners have difficulty figuring out what to do or say if their acting partner suggests something unreasonable or cuts the conversation short with a dead-end statement (i.e. “No” or a flat “Okay”). To combat this, improv teachers have stressed the importance of using the phrase “yes, and…” – training aspiring actors to always accept the premises established by the first person and then expanding on it to keep the scene rolling.

The technique of “yes, and” is equivalent to using “and then” to connect points whilst writing. Blind acceptance shines in improv because the actors need to think on the fly, but we as writers have much more time to think about how to join two points together. To illustrate why “and then” is not an ideal conjunction for storytelling, let’s say we were on the writing team for the film Jurassic Park and deciding how the movie should play out:

  1. Miners discover amber containing an ancient mosquito and dinosaur blood preserved within

  2. And then the bioengineering company InGen extracts the blood and sequences the DNA of a variety of dinosaurs

  3. And then InGen clones the dinosaurs in captivity on a hidden island (aka Jurassic Park)

  4. And then the CEO of the company decides to make the island a theme park to drive up company profits

  5. And then the CEO invites the protagonists to the island for a trial run, and a tropical storm traps them there

  6. And then one of the onsite computer programmers who accepted a bribe from a rival corporation tries to steal several dinosaur embryos

  7. And then he sabotages the park’s security system, inadvertently releasing all dinosaurs from captivity

  8. And then he gets killed by a dilophosaurus before he can escape on a boat

  9. And then, a rampaging Tyrannosaurus Rex attacks the protagonists

  10. And then the protagonists also get hunted by a pack of velociraptors

  11. And then the T-Rex and raptors face off in a climactic battle while the protagonists escape and return to civilisation once the storm subsides

The plot was definitely novel for the early 1990s, satisfying our childhood dreams of being around real-life dinosaurs (sans getting eaten or trampled by them). However, in the way that we’ve described above, do you feel that the plot is a lot less impressive than it should be?

That’s because using “and then” to connect sequential points is like letting a child tell a story. Recall some of your childhood memories when you played make believe… You are a heroic knight sent to rescue a damsel in distress, and then upon defeating the wicked dragon, you find out the kingdom is under siege from space aliens, and then your suit of armor transforms into spacefaring mech suit and then you shoot up into the stars to partake in a glorious galactic battle… and so on.

The use of “and then” makes each consecutive point feel random and disjointed – imagine pitching our plot sequence to Spielberg and telling him “everything happens entirely by chance”! That’s not storytelling – that’s just mad libs.

Fortifying narratives with consequences and causation
South Park
creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker visited a NYU writing class to share their insights on story progression. When discussing the “beats” (or narrative points) of an outline, Parker explained that “if the words ‘and then’ belong anywhere between those beats, you’re ****ed… you got something pretty boring.”

Instead, he recommends the use of “therefore” or “but” to join up your points (“thus” is also a good one) – to link by causation and/or consequence instead of by chance. This style of storytelling is ultimately what makes South Park so successful even after twenty years on air – because each seemingly random scene works as a standalone piece, but is also cleverly tied with the adjacent scenes to add complexity to the plot.

Reusing the Jurassic Park plot we wrote before, let’s see how it can be improved using consequences and causation. 

  1. Miners discover amber containing an ancient mosquito with dinosaur blood preserved inside

  2. Therefore, the bioengineering company InGen extracts the blood and sequences the DNA of a variety of dinosaurs

  3. Subsequently, InGen clones the dinosaurs in captivity on a hidden island (aka Jurassic Park)

  4. But the CEO of the company decides to make the island a theme park to drive up company profits

  5. The CEO invites the protagonists to the island for a trial run, but a tropical storm traps them there

  6. But one of the onsite computer programmers who had accepted a bribe from a rival corporation tries to steal several dinosaur embryos

  7. Therefore, he sabotages the park’s security system, inadvertently releasing all the dinosaurs from captivity, but gets killed by a released dilophosaurus before he can escape on a boat

  8. Meanwhile, a rampaging Tyrannosaurus Rex attacks the protagonists

  9. But the protagonists are also hunted by a pack of velociraptors

  10. Thus, the T-Rex and raptors face off in a climactic battle, allowing the protagonists escape and return to civilisation once the storm subsides

When each sequence is tied together more effectively, the plot suddenly becomes much more cohesive. That’s the power of consequences and causation. A child can link up ideas using “and then”, but a true storyteller ensures that there’s always a “therefore”, “but” or “thus” to back up each detail.

 

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Wordsmith - Copywriting and Speechwriting in Hong Kong

Award winning copywriting and speechwriting services

Wordsmith - copywriting and speechwriting for international brands, financial institutions, industry innovators and their leaders. We work with clients throughout Asia on projects seen around the world.

Our work covers everything written – from copywriting of annual reports, speeches, websites and brochures to corporate books, award entries, investor presentations, video scripts, ad copy and executive communications. We have special expertise in speechwriting, financial writing, corporate communications, Search Engine Optimization (SEO), translation and tone of voice consulting. 

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